respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
