I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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