I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Houston, we have a squirter
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
