just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
