Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
