What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
