Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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