i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
worst night to have a conscience
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
