so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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