Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
