my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
