Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
