He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
