Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
