I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
