hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
