3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
