my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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