I want to stick my p in your. b.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The air taste purple.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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