This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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