My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
