I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
