i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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