I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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