I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
