I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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