Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
