i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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