the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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