"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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