I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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