I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
