I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
