Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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