I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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