i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Randomize
