Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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