We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize