The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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