it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
