it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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