I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
