So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I want her autograph on my taint
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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