Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
