we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
