why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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