So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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