He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
