OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
