My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
