Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
