put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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