i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
