Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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