I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
