everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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