I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
