This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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