I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
