matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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