Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
