i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
