This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize