Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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