Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize