He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
