i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
