you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
