You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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