haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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