dude i'm inner monologue high
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
