Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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