Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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