I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
