I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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