I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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