I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
