dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I want her autograph on my taint
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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