Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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