I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
