My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
