the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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