I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
