I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize