He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
