Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
