im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
