Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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