I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
