I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
