My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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