wat bout pragnant strippers??
Buhtt sex?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
