Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
