WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
