I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
